I hope to get to this page soon. Please help by sending me material for this page.
Meanwhile a few jokes for visiting:
These came with the heading "Analogies and Metaphors Found in
High School Essays,"
20. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. -Chuck Smith, Woodbridge
19. Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. -Chuck
Smith, Woodbridge
18. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. -Unknown
17. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. -Jack Bross, Chevy
Chase
16. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry
them in hot grease. -Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring
15. The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
-Unknown
14. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only
one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. - Sandra Hull,
Arlington
13. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. -Jerry Pannullo,
Kensington
12. " Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell
butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. -Barbara Collier, Garrett
Park
11. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with
power tools. --Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
10. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if
she were a garbage truck backing up.-Susan Reese, Arlington
9. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
wall. --Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
8. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this
plan just might work. -- Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
7. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for
a while. --Malcolm Fleschner, Arlington
6. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg
behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. -Jennifer Hart, Arlington
5. She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword. -- Tom Witte,
Gaithersburg
4. Long separated by cruel fate, star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy
field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland
at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a
speed of 35 mph. --Jennifer Hart, Arlington
3. The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview
portion of "Jeopardy!" --Jean Sorensen, Herndon
2. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef. --Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
1. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
River. --Brian Broadus, Charlottesville
TEN BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the Whiteout. You probably got here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific relaxation exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice
relaxation?"
4. "Rats! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK...
1. ".... in Jesus' name. Amen."
